As I was doing my homework for bible study last night one of the statements struck a chord with me. "Often, the desire to know is in direct opposition to the desire to trust." I read back over and over it countless times, astonished at what I was reading. That one sentence expresses so much of the frustration I have with myself and society in general and explains so much.
I personally find that one of my biggest struggles with my faith is trust. I trust in God. I trust in His will. I trust in His son. I trust in His perfect plan for my life. However, sometimes I negate that trust with my statements. For example: I am the queen of saying things like "I know that God has the perfect husband picked out for me... I just wish I could know who he was, or at least where or when I'll meet him." Now, let's revisit what my bible study said: Often, the desire to know is in direct opposition to the desire to trust. RIGHT?!
So the more I thought about this, the more my eyes were opened. We, as humans, have such a thirst and desire for knowledge. We want to have all of the answers. It's a desire that has been embedded in us since creation. Eve ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil when the serpent told her that it would make her like God: she would know what He knows. (And we all saw how that turned out for her and all of the rest of us.)
However the more I thought about this truth the more evident it became to me that this transcends spirituality. While this desire to know does effect our trust in God, it also effects our trust in people, in events, in everything! Just think about any suspicious person in a relationship: they're willing to "trust" their spouse, but they need to know where they were and what they were doing. Or how we're willing to trust a car to get us somewhere as long as we know how it works and where it was built. Or even something as simple as a recipe: we're willing to trust that all of these ingredients will make a delicious meal if we know what the picture of the result looks like.
I've had enough. I'm frustrated with the fact that "the desire to know is in direct opposition to the desire to trust" is both true and repeatedly evident in my life. So I'm making a change. I'm going to work on living in a blind trust. I will trust friends on their word without needing to know every detail but most of all I will trust God and His plan for my life without asking for hints to how it will all turn away. After all, I never wanted to be the girl who read the last chapter of a book first.